High-end.  Boutique.  Prestigious.  Elite.  World-Class.

All lovely, evocative words, but when you describe your own body of work in this way I can’t help but feel incredibly nauseated.  This ain’t radiating and stating the facts, jack.  It’s pretentious and solicitous; a shame really, since your work is so often emblematic of contemplative and revolutionary creativity.  But who are you speaking to here?  And more importantly, who’s listening?

I find we’re attracted to the people and things that reflect who we are not who we pretend to be so I’m curious to know how these adjectives are reverberating in the minds of your would-be clients. How do you think it makes them feel in context of interior design?  Of their home?  Of you?

Yes, yes; I know… ‘high-end’ is synonymous with ‘expensive’ or perhaps the more hopeful, ‘high-quality’ but while the term originated from the colloquial lexicon referencing the higher end of the retail price point, it’s come to be quoted by every designer eager to brag about selling trusting clients expensive shit. Thoughtful, artistic, relevant design and big spending have never been, and never will be, mutually inclusive.

Besides, ‘world-class’ isn’t something to be bandied about as a self-moniker; like power, it’s an adjective that’s given rather than taken upon oneself.  So in describing yourself in this way, are you looking to attract clients who are world-class or are you looking for clients who love hearing they’re world class?  Big difference.

Let me be perfectly clear: I’m not saying your work isn’t blow-your-mind fabulous.  Genius, even.  But like any great artist, you don’t need to resort to literary tricks to convince anyone of your genius; your work will simply speak for itself.  So give everyone the breathing room to embrace your work without the self-flagellating sociological mind melt.  Because really, suggesting your work is elite is, well, elitist.

Nelly Furtado had just released Folklore, the much-anticipated follow-up album to Whoa Nelly and wouldn’t you know, this delivery guy was ticked.

All these years later, I’ll never forget his words about the album that celebrated her multi-cultural heritage.   “What, she thinks she’s suddenly all international?!  What the hell does she know?! She’s a Pop Princess for crissake.”

Ouch.

I’d forgotten that peculiar moment until I came across an older article posted on one of my beloved interior design blogs a few months ago.  And then, shazaaaaaam.  Seems Cindy Crawford designed a line of furniture, offered exclusively in Canada at The Brick.

“I am growing weary of overpaid and over-valued celebrities being paid exorbitant amounts of money to lend their name to everyday products.  Sure, it is the nature of the beast; but aren’t we getting tired of lining these people’s pockets, when they are largely just figure heads?  Isn’t it enough that we pay to go see their movies or purchase the magazines they are featured in? …Sure, she is beautiful, a great model, and a savvy business woman (with her own skin care line and exercise videos, among other endeavours), but come on…she suddenly knows enough to design furniture?

Hm.

A month or so later I came across a tweet that brought me to the site of Galerie Emmanuel Perrotin, specifically to the chair Pharrell Williams designed as part of an art installation for the gallery’s 2008/2009 ‘Perspectives’ exhibit.
‘The Tank’, photograph by Guillaume Ziccarelli, courtesy Galerie Emmanuel Perrotin

From the accompanying text to the work:

“If we would spend love and time like we do money, we’d never go broke… But then again who am I trying to fool or what am I trying to fix?  I’m just a guy in the mirror trying to imagine what it must feel like to be young… headed into war.”

Dezeen also featured the exhibition.  At 83 and counting, some of the comments are truly jaw-dropping.

March 16th, 2010 at 4:44 pm
An embarrassment!! Emmanuel Perrotin Gallery — I call for your closure. Even if Pharrell puts out a Hd&M album, I wouldn’t rescind.

March 16th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Absolute Joke. Shows what fame and money can do.

March 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
Why do they always have to mess with other people’s (professionals) work? They are doing bad enough with their disturbing music why do they have to do it with design too. i feel threatened….

And my personal favourite:

March 18th, 2010 at 6:53 am
this guy robs people of their art in every territory. Im ashamed of The Emmanuel Perrotin Gallery. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS THINKING? this looks like a high tech japanese wheelchair. Its wrong. Its ugly, and shame on anyone who pays money for it.

Fascinating, really.

Of course, this leads me thinking…  this isn’t about the album or the furniture line or the art installation; this is about creative boundaries. Nelly Furtado is a pop princess. Period. Cindy Crawford is a model. Period. Pharrell Williams is a rap artist. Period. How dare these celebrities escape the boundaries we’ve so carefully constructed? How dare these individuals try something new? How dare they gasp! expand their horizons?

At the most basic level, isn’t this really an issue of resenting success?

Isn’t this another facet of the ‘rich get richer and the poor get poorer’ argument?  After all, we’re spoon-fed successful celebrity endorsements because dammit, it sells more shit.  We, the unwashed masses, lap it up.  We want to be just like them.   Hell, we even want to park our asses on their sofas.

Or we don’t.

It’s simple, really.  Like it?   Buy it.  Don’t?  Keep moving.

But here are my questions for you: what was your first job? Flipping burgers? Mowing lawns? Baby-sitting?

Uh-huh.

And is that the only thing you should have the right to be known for?

For the love of God, DON’T highlight them as though they’re some sort of architectural feature. When they’re this, ahem, dainty they look like racing stripes. And not the sexy kind.

Oh, and stock up on these. No matter what colour your trim happens to be, YOU NEED THEM.

If that won’t do the trick, try this:

Scuffs on your baseboards are akin to wearing an expensive suit with shitty shoes.

Lesson over.